Wednesday, September 20, 2006


A distant cousin just died of unnatural cause.
It's a huge blow to all the relatives, close or not. How can someone who was so strong (he held black belt in karate), so full of life, who had all the brightest future ahead of him (not to mention he's getting married in 2 months time), who was the pride of his dad, mom, grandpa, the promising heir of the family business, be suddenly taken away in such a terrible way?
Makes you wonder how fragile life really is...
Makes you wonder how cruel human can be...

Suddenly all the money, the expensive shoes, the favourite T-shirts became meaningless. It reminds you how man come to earth with nothing and goes away bringing nothing. The only thing that could stay forever is the memory. How people remember you. Whether you have given enough smile, kindness, care, love as a legacy to mark your prints on the earth that you had stepped on.

Rest in peace, brother, you'll always be in my prayer.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Life is a do-it-yourself project

My first day back at work after the eye infection.
My boss still at meeting, got nothing much to do, got a phone call to meet my doctor today since he'll be away this thursday, so I guess I might take the rest of the week off.

but before that, thought this fwd e-mail story is pretty spot-on.

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of
his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life
with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he
needed to retire. They could get by.
The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build
just one more house as a personal favor.
The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not
in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It
was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.
When the carpenter finished his work, the employer came to inspect the house.
He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said,
"my gift to you." The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!
If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all
so differently. So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often
putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we
have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much
differently. But we cannot go back.
You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a
wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said.
Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in

Monday, September 04, 2006

Eyes Wide Shut

As always, old saying is true "you don't realise how valuable something is until you lost it"
No, I'm not talking about love or relationship or guys (for once...)

It's my eyes, my eye-sight actually.

This morning, I woke up early, had shower, had breakfast, and (half-) ready to go when I finally decided to call it off. I didn't go to office as plan, after 2 of my potential rides to the office, backed off. One got food poisoning, the other got headache.

I was not sure whether I was ready for work, knowing that watching TV was still a heavy task to my eyes. And thinking that I would look ridiculous in sunnies, indoor, plus work does not have its old charm for me anymore, I decided to give my eyes (and the rest of my body) another or 2, or 3 more day offs.

It turns out that I don't really enjoy the rest anymore. Getting restless because TV is still a pain (can't even enjoy Johnny Depp, sigh...) feel like throwing all the sunglasses and caps that I need to wear just to be able to see TV or computer monitor. Not to mention can't read for too long, and realising that what a friend of mine said in SMS yesterday was true, since I can't do a lot of things, the only thing in my mind now is chocolate, ice cream, donuts, burger, fried chicken...... (the list still goes on for 3 miles).

The only thing I desire now is to get my eye-sight to normal, and enjoy the sun light, watching movies, TVs, reading books, magazines, surfing internet and maybe even do some work, in normal manner.
How I realise now what a cripple I am even when it's only a small part of my body that doesn't work properly.


On the same night (or dawn to be exact), I wrote several other blog entries, so here's another one...

Everyone told me (and it?s confirmed by my earliest recollection) that I my first aspiration is to be a policewoman. Other girls and boys would probably on the same line: pilots, teachers, doctors....
And as I grew up and had thought better, I wanted to follow my dad, to be a doctor (of course!).
But precisely at 2nd year junior high (year 8) when I learned how being lazy is much more fun, it started to evaporate from my mind until I determinedly told my parents that I wanted to study Public Relations in uni, despite 2 talent tests? (a kind of IQ test to help you determine your career) results showed that I would be best being a doctor (but a line of work in the communication field was mentioned as well, knowing I put that as my preference)
So, off I went to reach my dream only to realise I still live in the world of dreams, that the PR world, especially the one in Oz did not fit the glitz and blitz that I thought I saw in that profession back in homeland.
It involved so much writing that I loathed, and after attending the lecture in a PR Week that my year organised I confirmed it ("I don?t think I want to work as PR anymore!", only to myself of course). I so vividly remember how we had invited this posh, seemingly confident woman, the PR of a high-profile company, Philip Morris ? producer of Marlboro. She then stupidly showed why journalism students always mocked PR students. She got bombarded with questions about the long-debating issue of smokes can kill, which supposedly already her daily breakfast, snack and lunch, from ?only? journalism students, and stumbled at every word, clumsily, awkwardly trying to avoid or answered it so incorrectly that it put so much shamed to the name PR that I held up.

So now I?m happily (?) in advertising.
Never crossed my mind to become a writer.
First of all, never thought my writing is good enough.
And well, didn?t I mention I loathed writing back in uni?
But, in a way it?s a kind of love and hate relationship. I never mind when we were required to do some poet, pantun, or composition back in schools for our mother-tongue subject. I actually enjoyed it.
But when it felt like endless of assignment after assignment, essays after essays, I found no joy in doing it anymore.

I started picking up on it again because of one of my ex-es. Funny how easy I got influenced by the one I love (d?) Like sports, never thought I would actually like doing it, since it's one of my worst subject since elementary school, but now gym is like a necessity for me to keep in shape, can?t imagine living without it anymore.
But, these influences don?t always stays, like listening to radio for classic rock on weekends.

Same deal with writing. My blog was dormant for quite some time since the relationship ended. But after a while I miss it. And now, after a few days of not being able to use my eyes, I?m happily typing on my laptop once again =)

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Dream A Little Dream (or two...)

I wrote this one a few days ago, a few days after my eyes infections started, and then I had too much sleep that my life battery seemed to get overflowed with energy....

This sickness doesn?t just allow me the whole time in the world to think while I?m awake, but also while I?m asleep apparently.

So there are these 2 weird dreams that I remember.
The first one involve a colleague of mine, whose husband and daughter I know very well of. She?s one of the person that I look up to, smart, has endless knowledge, with no-nonsense attitude, and happens to like to entertain so I had been lucky enough to get invited several times and get to acquaint with the family well.
In this dream, I was like being shown a movie about her past. Showing how her charming beautiful, bright little angel (one of my favourite daughters of friends) was not actually her husband?s. But of Matthew McConaughey?s!!
Beat me how in the world could I dreamt about this??

Then, another dream involved my unfulfilled-true-love in the past, from my time in China. In this one, I got to meet him again, when somehow I went back there to study some more Chinese, but there?s a twist. He?s grown fat!
We kinda relinquish our old passion that had been held for too long (I kinda believe he had kept his unrealised infatuation over me as well).
The dream actually makes me wonder, would I still adore and lust him as much as I thought I would if we met again and he had changed (physically) for the worse, since my obsession with being thin is getting unhealthy