3.16 am at dawn

Forgive me God for I forget

So, I finally went for Confession, after 10 years.
What had prevented me on going firstly because I was not confident enough that I can follow it in English.
That was when I just started uni Down Under.
Then, as time went by, I just didn't feel comfortable of doing it since I felt that I had committed the sin of all sin, you know, when you started getting 'too deep' into a relationship.

Then, some more time pass by, I didn't feel that I'm that sinful anymore, hardly ever consider it necessary.

Then, back to my country, I always thought that I'd rather do it in Oz since I had the impression that the priests over here enjoy scolding on their 'sheeps' wrongdoing.

But then, last weekend, when I went to church with my folks, early as usual with them, I saw that the light of 'the' room (this special room for penance in Catholic church) was on, I just thought of doing it right there and then.
Mind you, that's how things usually work well with my life, when I do it on impulse rather than spending too much time analysing the to-be-act.

So I went inside with the book in my hand and trying to remember what were the general sins that I would like to mention.
I read aloud the standard statement for confession, kinda lowered my voice when I said, "...10 years ago" and listed out a small percentage of my sins (honestly, I couldn't remember more).
The priest didn't show any reaction when I said the number, and only stated the usual comment which I think was just the usual template and gave me the 'punishment'.

And that's it. I said thank you in a whisper voice, and walked out.
Couldn't believe how easy it was, I'm finally reconcilled! I was expecting some wise words from the priest, and he actually 'dissapoint' me. What an anti-climax.

And as I walk down the aisle, to my seat, then it dawned to me that I actually forgot to read out the Reconcilliation Prayer! I was supposed to do it after he gave me the instruction for penitence and gave his blessing.

So, does that mean I'm not pardon yet?
But I actually felt hot in the face afterwards, which I took as the process of cleansing my body from all the sins, or it's just that the AC was a bit too far from me.

Worse still, now I couldn't remember, whether it's Psalm 103 or Psalm 130 that I was supposed to quote in my prayer for 4 nights in a row.
But since Psalm 130 is about God of Mercy, I think it should be the one (not to mention that it's much shorter!)

posted by kupattahu @ 20:56

GOAL!!!!

Today is one of the most strenuous time of my life.

It all started on Fri afternoon, just before I left the office. I checked my personal e-mail that I have not open for sometimes, and found an e-mail from Discovery Channel about my submission to 5 Takes.
The e-mail dated the Fri before, and it requested me to submit a vlog and sample blog with deadline of 13 Aug, which is TODAY!

I couldn't grasp what I was really feeling. It's good that I kinda got through the first round, but with only 2 days left and I got my parents here, how in the world would I manage to submit anything.

But I know that it's the chance I've been dreaming of, and I would never stop regretting it if I didn't even give it a try.

So, I persuaded a friend to help, who's kind enough to agree, then stole sometimes on Sat to pick up the camera and shoot some scene in the morning, and stayed up late fine tuning the script and writing the blog.

Then mom was understanding enough to let me spend her whole morning shooting some more, and went to the office to edit it practically the whole night that my parents didn't get to do anything else. Sorry mom, dad.

At the office, we faced computer problems for about an hour. I was ready to give up when it suddenly fixed by itself.
After the editing, I had to endure a few minor obstacles of getting everything ready for uploading, only to find out that since it's close to closing time, the website got jam-packed that I tried submitting it for an hour without success.

Back to the hotel, with only one and a half-hour left to midnight, I couldn't connect to the internet. When the helpdesk operator (that's located overseas) patiently guided me in checking everything, we found that I had unplugged the modem last night that led to my internet problem.

With only an hour left, I was really pesimistic. Tried it once, twice, thrice, maybe get to fourth or fifth time that I thought I just clicked the submit button and left the desk. Helping mom wrapping the gifts for my colleagues tomorrow, then back to the desk, and prepared to write blog about how it's not my destiny to be a TJ, when I saw it on the screen, one simple sentence "Thank you for your submission"

God still loves me after all =)

posted by kupattahu @ 23:13