strange isn't it... that you can still laugh and work as per normal, you yourself, and other people think that it doesn't effect you that much...
but still....
in some unexpected times... you feel sad beyond anything...
for one moment...
and in the back of your mind, you actually keep thinking about him...
you get used to it... function as effective as usual, thinking as hard as usual... but you can never go deep... cause down there, you still have him... and the hope, that's like linger and waiting to kill you like poison... bit by bit...
and you get sad looking at the word 'sedih'
and you feel like you can't tell anyone... you've poured your heart and soul in the personal file in your laptop... telling all the stories of jumping joy and wounded heart... for the past few weeks that is...
and you can't go back there and write about your sadness again...
not at this time anyway...
cause your heart will bleed again... reading those lovely and painful memories...
so this is where you end up... after almost 3 years neglecting it....
it waits patiently.... to be your last resort....
when you feel your sadness at its deepest... although you can't shed any tears...
because tears is not always part of your sadness anymore...
but the 'falling' feeling that you have in your heart... and the craving to be silent, to shut it all, and not wanting to hope for anything... for the fear of another heartache is just too much...
still.... it came... and there's nothing you can do to stop it...
sedih
posted by kupattahu @ 21:22
